Heartbroken
Sorry this doesn't really belong on this site. But this community has shared their wisdom and given me encouragement in the past. I'm just shattered by events this week. Some may recall that I lost both my parents at a very young age. It was me and my younger brother. Anyway, I went to a graduation for PHD.s because one of my clients sons was graduating. It left me sad and puzzled. One because I'll never have that experience and I couldnt help but wonder how these folks lived and went to school. These people 85 percent of foreign background were all in some type of science or math. I heard them all asking if who had found a job and not too many had. I can quite comprehend how they lived in their own places and their immediate concern was getting rid of their furnishings. So I returned home feeling quite inferior only to find one of my pensioned horses had ran into a fence and was fatally injured. Later that evening, I get the worst sore throat, earache and headache ive had since I was a little kid..... But the killer was finding out my younger brother is moving out. He 20, certainly old enough. He hates horses and I think me too the past few years. Yet, he was my wingman. I got a whole 3 day notice. Today we had a brief conversation and now he's not speaking to me. If I havent had to go to a Drs appointment and ask him to keep an eye on things. I wouldn't even know. His defense was " he knew I'd react like this". Basically he was gonna go in the middle of the night or something like that. Yeah, I shoulda shut my big mouth and just lied but I didn't. If you don't want the truth from me then don't ask me. I'm hurt and I irrationally want to hurt him back. But imma try to shut my mouth. He wont even tell me where he is gonna live. My mind and heart are waging war. I'm kinda feeling hatred toward him too. I fought tooth and nail for custody of him when I was only 19. I reckon I'll get over it. I've gotten over worse. One thing for sure is I'll never have kids. I wish I didn't care but I do. Sorry for the rant on here. I just don't do social media. I'll probably be very sorry for writing this on this venue. But I can't reflect right now cuz I gotta hit the barn and track... I'm already late.
